suay

one after another, obstacles abound.

that's the price to pay for a dream.

after returning from Thailand I was all geared up to start a new profession.

I had 5 clients line up and ordered my stuff online. i even found a small shop space at little india at an affordable rent. then things fell apart slowly..

the studio space fell through. landlord wanted half the rent crom the sub tenant. so i went to plan B and asked a friend to let me do it At his house. the day after that he got into an accident at blair road. then my stuff didnt arrive. unfortunately I ordered from the wrong supplier. after waiting for 20 days they came up with a lame excuse and said my package was returned for some reason. now they are refunding me the money and I'm left with no equipment and 20 days gone. all the clients are gone.

why is this happening? on the bad side it's probably cos of impulsive moves and decisions.

which on the good side is just a reminder to myself to not rush things and move one step at a time. 

maybe it's just cos of the ghost month.. I feel even more negative these few weeks. down to my last 100 bucks for the rest if the month. thing will hopefully work out next month when the air is clearer from all the smoke and paper burning. and now my brother might have black gum disease.. I hope he'll be alright and it's just a mild infection.

The countdown!!!

YAY! 13 more days before i fly off to Thailand for my tattoo course!

Yes you heard me! Tattoo training! HAHAHAHAHA!

No I unfortunately do not have any tattoos on my body..YET. Why? because I can't fucking decide on what to do and plus I keep changing lines and jobs that tattooing anywhere visible could be problematic.

Anyways, they're not excuses. It's seriously just that I couldn't find a design or phrase that I would love to wear for life.

Soon though. I'm thinking sometime this week I'll try a tattoo session somwhere. Still narrowing down on where and who. and of course the design.

It's hopefully gonna be an exciting 14 days in Thailand. And I really can't wait.

I don't expect to be an expert at anything. Just being able to learn an ancient and awesome artform is good enough for me.

Not cheap though.. $1700 for the course plus whatever expenses I'll need to makan and travel around. Accomodation is free. but I'll be paying and additional 1000 baht at the artist's house for an air conditioned room.

cant' wait!!!! countdown time!!!!

just LMAO

was doing some therapeutic online shopping at gmarket and came across this that just cracked me up.

kangkang nasi.. WTF. not sure if it's comforting to know that koreans have started learning malay.

my buzzball!

my antique obsession

painting 1

unfinished business

 before

after

It's still unfinished until now.
the canvas is cursed! 

my life thus far

I've been engrossed in a new setting; a re-setting of sorts. i did have a post before this one describing my new year. such a constrast to the year before. i told dan that i felt like dying. i think it was more of a methaphorical death. one that i've felt coming for some time.

After much emotional upheavel, I resigned (physically and metaphorically) to a new line of living. i gave up my rented room at kembangan. i quit my job and i still haven't reactivated my facebook. it feels good to be free from burden. no job, no psycho, no rents, nothing.


i don't know what possessed me but one thing led me to another, i did find that job and i enrolled in a 5 week certificate in culinary arts programme.

My culinary arts course at At-sunrice academy.

 yeap, we all had to wear hair nets and the chef uniforms.

not really succulent guys and delectable gals.. some of us going to reach expiry date. 

 

all amazed by the fire in the pan.. a sure fire way to get 

a charcoal flavour on your chicken.

 

An afternoon in the kitchen wiping up melayu cuisine. the guy on the right was an MMA instructor.

we came from all walks of life. guy on the left.. business investor.

 the process for washing a floor properly in a kitchen... yup pay $1100 for 5 weeks for sai kang work. the road to nirvana. besides floor, we had windows, table tops, walls, dishes, floors and drains.

 Practiced like siao for this dish for the exam - stewed chicken with mushrooms and chestnuts. 

cook until sien.

Thai pineapple fried rice.

 

5 weeks of hell and finally at "graduation" day.. a picture with the elected favourite instructor -

Chef Macdonald.

 

On graduation day with Chef Sam. 

really interesting to meet these guys.

interaction on all diffferent levels and great personalities.

  
It was hell going thru 16 hour work days. 8am to 2pm everyday school. then 3pm to 11pm working at the cafe. wearing hair net in the morning and then safety boots in the afternoon.. work until a bone in my right wrist started popping out. jialat.

after 5 weeks, it was over. and the cafe is turning up a few funny characters too. good folk. the gossip and politics come fast and furious but discipline is pretty instantaneous too. one restaurant manager got booted out within 3 days. that's a pretty long story but it's definitely one for the books.

 the jokers trying on chef bob's 4XL jacket. either they're too small

or bob's too big. and kinda gay la.

 every week there's a big dose of adorable babies! all abandoned

and looking for loving families. luckily these 3 darlings were adopted within days 

of each other. yeap need a hair cut. i think i'm genetically unable to maintain long hair. 
 

  our naughty boy got a taste of "captain masking tape"! sing some more aerosmith! i tape you to the tap next time.

the gang of brothers.. these darlings get walked without leashes. amazing. and there's a scottish fold that walks with them also. the border collie - sable - has some problems with his back legs.. but such a kind soul.

 handsome pegeot. aaah! if only i had my own space. i would grab him and bring him home. so friendly and such a sweet heart. why can't humans be this way? look at his eyes!

 so anyways, that's been a great 2.5 months of exciting experiences and interesting personalities and alot alot alot of FURRBALLS!

next on the list - my tattoo course in sukhumvit bangkok. will be a 2 week training to be a tattoo artist. of course it will take 100 times longer then that to be a proper tattoo artist but it's a start.

still pondering on a course of action for my professional life. need some soul searching. i guess probably this year will be a lot of experimentation.

for the time being, got an out of the blue request for a custom painting. will finish it by tuesday next week. too bad i've been working morning shift this past 2 weeks. not much sunlight left by the time i get home. and i'm running out of space for this monster piece of canvas. interestingly enough, the original is 1/100th of the size. good luck to me. more texture!!!

i have decided that after working as a cook that cooking per se is not my passion. working as a cook however, is rather good for me at this point. however, i will give it a little while longer to decide. cafe will be closed for 2 weeks for renovation. 

will be signing up at my brother's gym to get myself in shape and hopefully in time for my birthday which is also in 2 weeks. i don't expect anything at all from anyone, and i'm sure i won't be.. just being happy with my own body and life at this point of time is more then i can wish for. being free from any kind of parasitic relationship, free from paying rent for a place i don't love, being surrounded by people that make me laugh and animals that make me feel such happiness - that's a big improvement from 2 years ago. 

it's been good so far. let's hope that i will be living for the next year ahead with no ill health and plenty more experiences. 

happy thoughts for an anticipated change.

I don't wish her well for her own well being

Apologies for the egotistical shit or mistakes in grammar, punctuation or spelling ---- NOBODY'S GONNA FUCKING READ IT. IT"S A PERSONAL BLOG FOR FUCK's SAKE. IT"S ALL FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Right well i dont' know what happened cos i penned something on my iphone like yesterday at 12:00am and after about 3 pints of guiness draught (cos that's all i drink), 1 killkenny, 1 san miguel and a tequila shot i can't find it.. of fuck it. I'm still up at 6:50am. I'm still up reminiscing how I actually met a relatively nice Thai Chinese girl tonight. she had a side that was really sad and alone. something in her reminded me of the ex. when she asked for my number 3 times, i didnt give it to her. 

Why am i still awake? 

well i went with Dan to the Affordable art fair at the F1 pit building earlier yesterday (opening guest by invite only sia!) and bumped into Boo, an ex-lecturer. so chit chat chit chat and then just when i thought we were just talking about regular arty stuff, he just mentions "hey! you know that Choo girl? the one with the fat one? the abit crazy siao siao one?" (i immediately thought "oh god everyone knows her like that even after all these years?")He was even doing a little jig dance to immitate her. i remember why i left that fucking institution.. though i did almost burst out laughing. so i answered him "you mean Ann?" he said "yeah! she got married". I replied him "oh really? well i lost touch with them 2 years ago and i dont' really care. maybe see you next year for the BA course?"

well i didnt tell him that all along i've had the impression or feeling like she was either dead (or emigrated) or married - they all mean the same to me. 

anyways, Dan was nice enough to ask me if i was ok after the show. We shared a cigarette and suprisingly, I did feel ok. We both agree and fundamentally do not believe in marriage especially one sanctioned by a religion.. Fundamentally? I trust that statement with my LIFE. there is no such thing, and no matter what anyone says, especially religion. seriously i'd rather watch teletubbies then believe bullshit from a pulpit. I've seen too many "marriages" fall and crumble. beginning with my own family (oh, its a disease in mine. every fucking aunt, uncle and cousin has divorced since i was 15. not sure if we have some kind of record yet. Maybe its genetic. which is why i'm born with the belief). And of course alot of people will swear by their own parents, including the ex will bear testimony to: - the surviving marriage and "love" of their own parents who have never shagged anyone else and the woman probably doesnt even know what an orgasm is. (I've judged. well i might be right still. then again, i am still reeling from a night of drinking so fuck off.) I believe it's also an excuse to keep that supposed "preacious" person right beside themselves so they dont run off.

so yeah, i went to her blog, and saw her cheesy fucking wedding photos. I'm not jealous. NONONO! oh goodness gracious no! never would i be jealous of those pics.. hahahha! i'm sorry it was painful to see and not because of our past but cos it was so "made-in-Taiwan-ala-winter-sonata" please.. And the Twat doesnt have a nose bridge. and that french suit with the lapels.. sorry la.. just stick to what you're good at wearing.

Pause.........

Oh... i'm too tired. I had typed a long essay. I dont care anymore. She still harps about the past. She hasnt' really changed that much. she goes on about her insecurities. I have mine too. she has her shit to deal with. we all do. i'm not a psychiatrist (although it was funny how she tried to diagnose me with some disorder to explain my wrath). I had honestly wished with all my heart when i ended the relationship, like i had done so many times (yes more than once over the 5 out of 7 years of the relationship), was that she meet someone that can make her happy and give her whatever the fuck she wanted from me that i could never give her.. And finally she has. I was really angry at first because of course, reading her "husband's" post reconfirmed my suspicions that she was really cheating on me until my birthday. it used to be sad. i couldn't tell her in words that i knew she was cheating. but letting her go and sadly knowing that she already had a backup was the hardest part of everything. but then again, she was always a sucker for anyone that could provide that security for her. And now she has it FULL TIME. and I am FREE at last. 

My only regret is losing matty as a friend. she was awesome before the psycho. i could have a great laugh with her. she and jeorgieby. and dan and shaun. and ah ma. and the lame queen kina. the original gang before things turned to shit.

At crazy elephant, Dan asked me to cheers and make a toast to her wedding over our first pint of draught. I didnt' want to. He said "come on, good wishes for her". I said " good wishes are reserved for only good people. I'd rather wish you well" and so we ended up wishing me well for my 3 interviews on monday and a big fat fucking pay cheque.

I thought that blogs were where you "record" your events or highlights of your life so you could remember and like act like you've been ALOT of SHIT in life but fucking bull crap please, if you believe that horsehit, then you're a soap opera slut. give it a break. nobody really reads this shit. yeas...if you're talented like Xiaxue and actually have a trademark then yeah but even she started it cos her stupid ex threw her diary away.

I think it's more like if you can get through the ordeal of actually trying to type out what happened and in the middle realise "what the fuck am I doing?", then you've externalised what you need to. You've dealt with it. Let it go. I'm not really gonna bother. I have no shame. I've been the best i've tried to be. I've sacrificied my life, money, time, emotion, body, soul, tears and blood for those years. I've shed even more when my parents broke up. I shed a little bit more that I don't have much left in terms of friends and family. But like i said in my previous post, you have to face the big 5 elements of your life and at the end of the day, you've got to face yourself.

so yes, i wish you well. I dont believe it. I am unable to fathom that emotion because, just as i dont' believe in God and religion and stand by these beliefs, I cannot accept the "sanctity" of an institution like marriage, like parenthood, like fidelity, like charity. It doesn't make me any happier by doing these deads. Wishing someone well on a marriage is a death sentence to that person from me. and as such, i wish to rather reserve my emotions so that bad things do not happen to her and her twat. (i'm sorry i'm a bitch but he's fucking ugly. and his nose is so short. dick's probably not that big either.. oh stop please!hahaha) 

(drunk feeling wearing out - regaining feeling in fingers) At the end of the day, she's happy i guess. That's all that matters. and i'm free at last.

time to sleep. best cure for a hangover, is to type all night till the next day and then feel alot more sober. go for early morning coffee and breakfast in peace and quiet. I love my new life. I love my new place. I know what i've become, and i know where i'm headed to.. It's all finally good :)

Peace out.

Finding a new job

It's been a hell of a few months which ended in me resigning.

Not just me but both me and a senior designer both.

Why? well it's not been fun working for a cheating company that swindles clients in the pretext of an interior design company.

I mean when you buy a bulb, you would expect a bulb made of bulb material rather than a picture of one.

And when you are actually the "managing director" of an interior design company, you would expect to have some form of aesthetic appreciation, or even just basically know how to design stuff? 

Mistreating your staff and shouting them and throwing paper at them is also not such a professional thing to do.

Right now I am totally tired out on having to deal with these types of people. 

This whole year in general has been a great upheaval of all that I believe in.

Love, family, pets, friends and work.

The famous 5 things that you have to somehow find some kind of balance and each one of them all at once competing for equal placement in your life.

How do you choose which is more important? or do you just give them 2nd runner up placement to the most important thing - your own SELF.

Read more Ayn Rand and her theory of objectivism. If you're not happy doing something (after rationally evalutating the situation) then you're basically not happy.

And I am not happy.

Today was the last day for my senior designer and man am I gonna miss working with someone that I have the balls to face off in design.

It's 2 more weeks to go till I FUCK OFF from that fucking company.

14 days to get something else on track.

Freelance? It's gonna take time to get shit in to earn the cash.
Take a break? Gotta pay rent and shit.
Take up that tattoo course in Thailand? What if I get an immediate job offer and they're paying me really well?
I could drive a taxi? well i could but there's a 1000 dollar deposit for when you actually want to hire the taxi. and i don't want to bump into the idiot ghosts out there.
I could pack my bags and fly off to thailand or cambodia and find a job there? Well I could if i had enough cash saved up.. could still be in my plans over the next 2 years.
Could I still try for Canada? well the list is not out yet for the following year. It's not singapore where we let everyone and anyone in. Let's hope they're looking for architectural technologists/artists to migrate there.

Also, being 33 has never been easy. Years 30 to 32 were basically a blur. Partly due to the fucking excuse for a relationship (I asked for it, the fucking sadistic self). I live for other's dreams. Now the spotlight is on myself and I have to answer tough questions about the big five.

I kinda feel that at this point of time, the next job i hold will be the LAST job I will actually have for the next 2 years. 

It's a cycle. all jobs for me have lasted 1.5 years to 3 years.

I don't have a fantastic job track record in the past. 

Fucked up my art tutor stint, mostly due to the idiotic head we had at the time who when highlighted to her that she was obviously menstruating in class in front of everyone and stained the chair she was sitting on, got up and said " ah, i'll change it later". And of course it wasn't easy dating a student who, on your first week of school, got so angry with you for taking the MRT with your own BROTHER that she screamed, pulled your hair into the ceramic studio, getting into a physical fight, tried to stab her own hand with a ceramic needle tool and made you smash your new samsung clamshell phone with the Marilyn Manson "sweet dreams" tune that you loved.

Fucked up my other job at the architectural stint. I just didn't care about how much of the land an owner bought could actually be used to build the fucking house, I didn't care anymore that staircase risers and treads were 150 - 175mm max and 250mm min. accordingly. I didn't care that the swimming pool couldn't be built over a soil pipe carrying shit for all the other houses. I didn't care anymore that so and so didn't "approve" of this or that and that owners bought their land at so many millions of dollars and had to pay so many extra millions of fucking dollars to do this or that and fuck all. I just didn't CARE ANYMORE. This is the land of regulated red tape and the heaven of rules.

Fucked up my current job - well this one I can say I didn't fuck it up at all! I was good at it. I fucking loved it. But blaming me for putting out a shoddy 3d model (whipped up in 10 hours with no sleep) to a non-confirmed client and saying you were embarrassed by it is not a valid fact. Telling me I should stick to my architectural works and not do anymore design is FUCKING BULLCRAP. I'll fucking design your goddamned gravestone you hypocritical Christian cock-sucking senile wannabe designer of a boss. Shove it up your glory hole and if there is a "GOD"; the same god you worship every sunday at church, I hope he seriously gives you the gift of conscience so hard and fast, you remember how much pain you caused your own mother when she forced you out of her own body that you commit the ultimate sin and DIE.

First, you put your tyre-rim selling salesperson son-in-law as the senior manager of the company, your daughter is the QS and your wife is the director, although she doesn't show up 90% of the time. Then your son-in-law makes life so bad that within the 1st 2 months, 2 staff quit because of direct comments he made about firing them. 

Then you shift the whole fucking company into an office 1.5 hours away from everyone's house, right smack in bukit merah. Then you buy season parking for all the idiots that have rooms / offices in the company. You promote several people just to make your company look like its heading somewhere. Then you hire an overweight designer who pitches 1 fucking job and wins it and suddenly all previous efforts made by your other designers are crap. 

To boost the company profile you hire 2 business development managers: 1 idiotic senior manager with 11 YEARS of experience who wears mustard yellow and chrimson red pants. you hire your NIECE as a marketing personnel. Within 3 weeks of establishing a business unit, you shift your son-in-law and daughter (who are married and have procreated), into the sales and business team. You SACK the senior business development manager and focus on the 1 manager for leads. 

Then you beg an ex-staff who your son-in-law caused to resign, to come back and promises him a new senior position, you offer him an assistant. Then your son-in-law does it again! the overweight star designer becomes a target for his office politics. he causes her to QUIT! she throws the letter in.

Within a week, she's promoted to CHIEF designer, she is offered an office which belongs to a manager that has worked there for forever..she "graciously" declines. You PROMOTE your son-in-law to senior business and sales DIRECTOR! You take my year-long idea for pushing to have weekly once-a-week meetings with all designers to catch up on deadlines for the week and get your CHIEF designer to implement it under her name. Couldn't you just laugh? or would you cry?

Suddenly, the lynching begins. Me and senior designer become the blacksheep overnight. We just didn't follow ALL the rules. Basically, we had the same idea. What qualifies you to be in this position of power. Is it old fashioned thinking to say that you earn respect and not demand it because of family ties? Or was it because we just couldn't stand ugly people? I mean we are in the asethetic business in some ways.

That didn't feel so great but my only solace is in the fact that when your boss starts taking it out of the people that slog and put in that much time and effort to finish projects in tight deadlines then it's a sign that things are not going well for the company. It just means that we just need to give it about 2 years to see the havock.

It's quite ironic that I do feel bad about the sack carriers and ball suckers that give it a few more months, try to work for a year and see if you're lucky enough to actually have such a strong standing in the same company that is so quick to shoot dead the infantry that is fighting the war for you.

Of course, at the end of the day, I do tell everyone that I have no hard feelings about all this shit.

There's half an ounce of truth to the statement. I hate them, those memories, but I'm also so glad that they've happened. 

But the fear of another new FUCK UP will happen again. 

And this time, what is going to happen next? 

I wait and see.

Recreating "real" beauty

The truth about THAT 15-year-old human Barbie from South London who (with her mother's approval) has become a disturbing internet phenomenon

Internet sensation: 15-year-old Venus Palermo dresses like a living doll and shares her image tips with her online fans, all with the support of her mother Margaret, right

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2136332/Venus-Palermo-The-truth-15-year-old-human-Barbie-South-London.html#ixzz2CJP7YxYq
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

 Anastasiya Shpagina

Ukranian Valeria Lukyanova

 Both "dolls" together

WHY? seriously why?

Artist Noel Cruz repaints the faces of dolls to look more like the real deal. He’s done character dolls from many series like Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Twilight, and even real-life people like Marilyn Monroe, Angelina Jolie, and Steve Carrell. All of them are truly impressive and worth a look. 

Give me a tattooed beautiful girl anyday anytime.

 Sexiness.

At the end of the day, you gotta ask yourself when to draw the line or whether you even have a line to cross at all.

one of my favourite things

it's just 1 so far..  limited edition timberland oxford style high cut boots

$150/= come to papa next month.. for sure..

THE MIGHTY BOOOOOOSSSHH!

The only way to communicate. Crimping.

SO SEXY

Recently re-discovered LaRoux. i kinda heard their stuff some time back but didn't really look at their videos.. then went on to listen to their dubstep remixes. and yesterday after watching Never Mind the Buzzcocks, got reminded of their song In for The Kill. so ya.. Elly Jackson, my goodness. she is absolutely amazing. the voice, her style and that fucking hair! plus kudos to her for dressing so androgynously. anyways the video below is I'm Not your Toy live at Abbey Road which i like better then In for the kill.. anyways.. hail the electronic revival goddess.. 

I'm not your toy by La Roux

in for the kill Abbey road sessions by La Roux

my personal favourite performance version of the song.

We can fight our desires 
But when we start making fires 
We get ever so hot 
Whether we like it or not
They say we can love who we trust
But what is love without lust? 
Two hearts with accurate devotions 
And what are feelings without emotions? 

I'm going in for the kill 
I'm doing it for a thrill 
Oh I'm hoping you'll understand 
And not let go of my hand
(x2) 

I hang my hopes out on the line 
Will they be ready for you in time 
If you leave them out too long 
They'll be withered by the sun 
Full stops and exclamation marks 
My words stumble before I start 
How far can you send emotions? 
Can this bridge cross the ocean? 

I'm going in for the kill 
I'm doing it for a thrill 
Oh I'm hoping you'll understand 
And not let go of my hand 
(x2) 

Let's go to war
To make peace
Let's be cold
To create heat
I hope in darkness
We can see
And you're not blinded by the light from me 

I'm going in for the kill 
I'm doing it for a thrill 
Oh I'm hoping you'll understand 
And not let go of my hand