"Wah what have you been doing? you putting on more and more weight.. why you need to wear so loose shirt?"
"you've put on ALOT of weight.. your thighs didn't use to be that big"
"What's wrong with you? you're supposed to be losing weight but everytime i see you, you got no change or putting on more"
"come with me on saturday.. we walk from yishun to ang mo kio.. you sure lose the weight.. at night don't eat.. just drink water."
yes i have put on weight. no thanks to my lifestyle. it is completely my lack of discipline and will power. my cross trainer and weight bench are sitting right next to my desk right now as we speak and i can't bring myself to do it.
i lost the most amount of weight during 3 phases in my life.
Post secondary school, after my parents divorced, i was eating monk food aka yoghurt and bread and cup noodles. i started swimming with my brother.
during poly days, i put on the weight again. when i got my first job, i signed up with Amore fitness (one of the first women's only gym) and then planet fitness, as it was known back then before the fucking true fitness took over. it's now taken over by some MMA club charging $500 per month for fucking defence classes. utter bullshit.
anyways, i developed my love for spinning classes from Amore and kept doing it at planet. i even woke up at 5:30 in the morning to hit the gym and then go off to work. it was great. i felt in control of my life. i felt grown up. later at Planet, i grew fond of weight machines like the leg press, calf raises, lat pull downs, etc.. i was still hitting the spinning classes. my body was in the best shape at this point.
After i quit my job, i went to NAFA and was ok for the first year. still the same size but after meeting the X, that's when the weight piled on again. i blame myself for letting her control every aspect of my life. i should have turned and run away when the minute i suggested we go out another day or meet up with my brother impromptu, and she started screaming and cutting herself... but i stayed for 7 years with her. half of it was for love, the other half i dont know. and we ate everything she wanted, anytime she wanted. she has hyper thyroid, so she doesn't have a fucking weight problem at all. i however, let her rule all decisions cos of fear she might relapse. food was a comfort to her. so i gave in. we ate everywhere. tried EVERYTHING. even when we weren't hungry. sad part about it was, she didn't bother to find out what i liked to eat. and didn't bother to ask.
after my break up with the X, i bought a cross trainer, free weights, a weight bench and gloves. i bought protein shakes, fat burners and read up on shit. this was mostly because i heard from a few friends and my brother about how they got over their relationships.
my NAFA mate said her buddies from work dragged her to the gym after she broke off with her girlfriend. another friend's brother had a bunch of friends buy him a gym membership and got him to go with them for gym sessions after his marriage broke up. my brother also started his body building phase after his breakup with his first girlfriend. and i took their advise.
so since i dont' have many friends, i bought the equipment myself and worked out at home or at the community gym. and it helped a shitload. my mind was pre-occupied with inflicting my body with physical pain and afterwards, i was too pissed tired to even cry myself to bed. i just knocked out. and my body was eating clean, home cooked (cos i was jobless then), chicken, water, veges.. i didnt drink, i smoked. it was perfect.
now my work is my life. i'm a design architect for an interior design company. i work with projects from 1.5 million dollars to about 8 million dollars - basically big ass projects. i spruce up old buildings for a property owner and the job requires alot of co-ordination, detailing and design concepts. we also pitch for goverment jobs which come with tight deadlines.
my entire team consists of me and my assistant cad support, a gentle fillipino dude that's the greatest cad specialist and i am so lucky to have as my whole team cos he does shitloads. i'm on my seat at 10 minutes intervals before i have to move to my senior designer's desk or my cad guy's desk or the 3d visualizer's desk.
but they're all in a 5 metre radius. i have chicken rice almost everyday cos the food at bukit merah SUCKS!!!! by the time i get home, i am physically tired, mentally wiped out and hungry. so i cook whatever i have in the fridge at 10pm which is the normal time i get home, i eat, i drink water, i chat with my flatmate, we watch some shows, i smoke about 5 cigarettes, bathe and plunge into bed by 1am. i am mostly late for work the next day cos i roll over at 8am and i just hear my mind say " i don't want to go to work today".
it's a sad state to be in because its now that i have to start forming the body that will carry me through the 40's, 50's and 60's. after that, we'll see if i'm still alive. so i guess, its time to cut down the work commitment cos i think i've proved myself enough in the year that i've been with the company.
what bums me the most is my wardrobe has been reduced slowly to about 30% of my entire closet. i am feeling the weight effect.. the thighs feel tired, i'm breathless, i feel so down cos i wear the same shit every day rotated over and over again. i DON'T buy into being confident about my body even as whatever size i'm at because i have been slim, i have been tight and now i'm flabby, and bulging which seriously, i don't see how that can improve anyone's confidence. and no, i am not happy with i've got. that's nonsense. i've got small joints, i've got equipment to exercise with, i've got my own place with a room twice the size of what i used to live in. i've got a gym downstairs. i've got to meet clients with a professional outlook. i've got a fucking DOUBLE CHIN! kill me kill me now.
currently my stats are as follows: (note to self: i hope you're happy. move that ass!!! no fucking excuses anymore!)
- neck 14"
- bust 39" goddamit bitch!
- waist 38.5"
- mid hip 40.5"
- butt line 41"
- thigh 25"
- knee 17"
- calf 16"
- ankle 8.5"
so judging on the figures above, to reduce my heart attack chances, i have to kill the waist, mid hip and butt by about 4 to 6 inches down. i've never had a waist line, my hip and waist pretty much joins up so its gonna be even throughout.
i've given myself 1 month to adjust back to exercise, and another 2 to see some results. and now i have even less excuses. there's a gym right downstairs, well a few units down. so next friday, i sign up with them for a monthly membership and i promise myself that i will leave work at 6:30 on the dot for 4 out of 5 days of the week to make it to the gym.
i'll keep myself posted here every week. motivation? well historically, my weight loss is due to emotional trauma or intense changes in my life. this time? well i guess hearing it outright from the mouths of people around me and the sheer embarrassment of being called FAT is enough for me.
gayfather is working out to work out.
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