Apologies for the egotistical shit or mistakes in grammar, punctuation or spelling ---- NOBODY'S GONNA FUCKING READ IT. IT"S A PERSONAL BLOG FOR FUCK's SAKE. IT"S ALL FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Right well i dont' know what happened cos i penned something on my iphone like yesterday at 12:00am and after about 3 pints of guiness draught (cos that's all i drink), 1 killkenny, 1 san miguel and a tequila shot i can't find it.. of fuck it. I'm still up at 6:50am. I'm still up reminiscing how I actually met a relatively nice Thai Chinese girl tonight. she had a side that was really sad and alone. something in her reminded me of the ex. when she asked for my number 3 times, i didnt give it to her.
Why am i still awake?
well i went with Dan to the Affordable art fair at the F1 pit building earlier yesterday (opening guest by invite only sia!) and bumped into Boo, an ex-lecturer. so chit chat chit chat and then just when i thought we were just talking about regular arty stuff, he just mentions "hey! you know that Choo girl? the one with the fat one? the abit crazy siao siao one?" (i immediately thought "oh god everyone knows her like that even after all these years?")He was even doing a little jig dance to immitate her. i remember why i left that fucking institution.. though i did almost burst out laughing. so i answered him "you mean Ann?" he said "yeah! she got married". I replied him "oh really? well i lost touch with them 2 years ago and i dont' really care. maybe see you next year for the BA course?"
well i didnt tell him that all along i've had the impression or feeling like she was either dead (or emigrated) or married - they all mean the same to me.
anyways, Dan was nice enough to ask me if i was ok after the show. We shared a cigarette and suprisingly, I did feel ok. We both agree and fundamentally do not believe in marriage especially one sanctioned by a religion.. Fundamentally? I trust that statement with my LIFE. there is no such thing, and no matter what anyone says, especially religion. seriously i'd rather watch teletubbies then believe bullshit from a pulpit. I've seen too many "marriages" fall and crumble. beginning with my own family (oh, its a disease in mine. every fucking aunt, uncle and cousin has divorced since i was 15. not sure if we have some kind of record yet. Maybe its genetic. which is why i'm born with the belief). And of course alot of people will swear by their own parents, including the ex will bear testimony to: - the surviving marriage and "love" of their own parents who have never shagged anyone else and the woman probably doesnt even know what an orgasm is. (I've judged. well i might be right still. then again, i am still reeling from a night of drinking so fuck off.) I believe it's also an excuse to keep that supposed "preacious" person right beside themselves so they dont run off.
so yeah, i went to her blog, and saw her cheesy fucking wedding photos. I'm not jealous. NONONO! oh goodness gracious no! never would i be jealous of those pics.. hahahha! i'm sorry it was painful to see and not because of our past but cos it was so "made-in-Taiwan-ala-winter-sonata" please.. And the Twat doesnt have a nose bridge. and that french suit with the lapels.. sorry la.. just stick to what you're good at wearing.
Pause.........
Oh... i'm too tired. I had typed a long essay. I dont care anymore. She still harps about the past. She hasnt' really changed that much. she goes on about her insecurities. I have mine too. she has her shit to deal with. we all do. i'm not a psychiatrist (although it was funny how she tried to diagnose me with some disorder to explain my wrath). I had honestly wished with all my heart when i ended the relationship, like i had done so many times (yes more than once over the 5 out of 7 years of the relationship), was that she meet someone that can make her happy and give her whatever the fuck she wanted from me that i could never give her.. And finally she has. I was really angry at first because of course, reading her "husband's" post reconfirmed my suspicions that she was really cheating on me until my birthday. it used to be sad. i couldn't tell her in words that i knew she was cheating. but letting her go and sadly knowing that she already had a backup was the hardest part of everything. but then again, she was always a sucker for anyone that could provide that security for her. And now she has it FULL TIME. and I am FREE at last.
My only regret is losing matty as a friend. she was awesome before the psycho. i could have a great laugh with her. she and jeorgieby. and dan and shaun. and ah ma. and the lame queen kina. the original gang before things turned to shit.
At crazy elephant, Dan asked me to cheers and make a toast to her wedding over our first pint of draught. I didnt' want to. He said "come on, good wishes for her". I said " good wishes are reserved for only good people. I'd rather wish you well" and so we ended up wishing me well for my 3 interviews on monday and a big fat fucking pay cheque.
I thought that blogs were where you "record" your events or highlights of your life so you could remember and like act like you've been ALOT of SHIT in life but fucking bull crap please, if you believe that horsehit, then you're a soap opera slut. give it a break. nobody really reads this shit. yeas...if you're talented like Xiaxue and actually have a trademark then yeah but even she started it cos her stupid ex threw her diary away.
I think it's more like if you can get through the ordeal of actually trying to type out what happened and in the middle realise "what the fuck am I doing?", then you've externalised what you need to. You've dealt with it. Let it go. I'm not really gonna bother. I have no shame. I've been the best i've tried to be. I've sacrificied my life, money, time, emotion, body, soul, tears and blood for those years. I've shed even more when my parents broke up. I shed a little bit more that I don't have much left in terms of friends and family. But like i said in my previous post, you have to face the big 5 elements of your life and at the end of the day, you've got to face yourself.
so yes, i wish you well. I dont believe it. I am unable to fathom that emotion because, just as i dont' believe in God and religion and stand by these beliefs, I cannot accept the "sanctity" of an institution like marriage, like parenthood, like fidelity, like charity. It doesn't make me any happier by doing these deads. Wishing someone well on a marriage is a death sentence to that person from me. and as such, i wish to rather reserve my emotions so that bad things do not happen to her and her twat. (i'm sorry i'm a bitch but he's fucking ugly. and his nose is so short. dick's probably not that big either.. oh stop please!hahaha)
(drunk feeling wearing out - regaining feeling in fingers) At the end of the day, she's happy i guess. That's all that matters. and i'm free at last.
time to sleep. best cure for a hangover, is to type all night till the next day and then feel alot more sober. go for early morning coffee and breakfast in peace and quiet. I love my new life. I love my new place. I know what i've become, and i know where i'm headed to.. It's all finally good :)
Peace out.
Friday, 16 November 2012
Thursday, 15 November 2012
Finding a new job
It's been a hell of a few months which ended in me resigning.
Not just me but both me and a senior designer both.
Why? well it's not been fun working for a cheating company that swindles clients in the pretext of an interior design company.
I mean when you buy a bulb, you would expect a bulb made of bulb material rather than a picture of one.
And when you are actually the "managing director" of an interior design company, you would expect to have some form of aesthetic appreciation, or even just basically know how to design stuff?
Mistreating your staff and shouting them and throwing paper at them is also not such a professional thing to do.
Right now I am totally tired out on having to deal with these types of people.
This whole year in general has been a great upheaval of all that I believe in.
Love, family, pets, friends and work.
The famous 5 things that you have to somehow find some kind of balance and each one of them all at once competing for equal placement in your life.
How do you choose which is more important? or do you just give them 2nd runner up placement to the most important thing - your own SELF.
Read more Ayn Rand and her theory of objectivism. If you're not happy doing something (after rationally evalutating the situation) then you're basically not happy.
And I am not happy.
Today was the last day for my senior designer and man am I gonna miss working with someone that I have the balls to face off in design.
It's 2 more weeks to go till I FUCK OFF from that fucking company.
14 days to get something else on track.
Freelance? It's gonna take time to get shit in to earn the cash.
Take a break? Gotta pay rent and shit.
Take up that tattoo course in Thailand? What if I get an immediate job offer and they're paying me really well?
I could drive a taxi? well i could but there's a 1000 dollar deposit for when you actually want to hire the taxi. and i don't want to bump into the idiot ghosts out there.
I could pack my bags and fly off to thailand or cambodia and find a job there? Well I could if i had enough cash saved up.. could still be in my plans over the next 2 years.
Could I still try for Canada? well the list is not out yet for the following year. It's not singapore where we let everyone and anyone in. Let's hope they're looking for architectural technologists/artists to migrate there.
Also, being 33 has never been easy. Years 30 to 32 were basically a blur. Partly due to the fucking excuse for a relationship (I asked for it, the fucking sadistic self). I live for other's dreams. Now the spotlight is on myself and I have to answer tough questions about the big five.
I kinda feel that at this point of time, the next job i hold will be the LAST job I will actually have for the next 2 years.
It's a cycle. all jobs for me have lasted 1.5 years to 3 years.
I don't have a fantastic job track record in the past.
Fucked up my art tutor stint, mostly due to the idiotic head we had at the time who when highlighted to her that she was obviously menstruating in class in front of everyone and stained the chair she was sitting on, got up and said " ah, i'll change it later". And of course it wasn't easy dating a student who, on your first week of school, got so angry with you for taking the MRT with your own BROTHER that she screamed, pulled your hair into the ceramic studio, getting into a physical fight, tried to stab her own hand with a ceramic needle tool and made you smash your new samsung clamshell phone with the Marilyn Manson "sweet dreams" tune that you loved.
Fucked up my other job at the architectural stint. I just didn't care about how much of the land an owner bought could actually be used to build the fucking house, I didn't care anymore that staircase risers and treads were 150 - 175mm max and 250mm min. accordingly. I didn't care that the swimming pool couldn't be built over a soil pipe carrying shit for all the other houses. I didn't care anymore that so and so didn't "approve" of this or that and that owners bought their land at so many millions of dollars and had to pay so many extra millions of fucking dollars to do this or that and fuck all. I just didn't CARE ANYMORE. This is the land of regulated red tape and the heaven of rules.
Fucked up my current job - well this one I can say I didn't fuck it up at all! I was good at it. I fucking loved it. But blaming me for putting out a shoddy 3d model (whipped up in 10 hours with no sleep) to a non-confirmed client and saying you were embarrassed by it is not a valid fact. Telling me I should stick to my architectural works and not do anymore design is FUCKING BULLCRAP. I'll fucking design your goddamned gravestone you hypocritical Christian cock-sucking senile wannabe designer of a boss. Shove it up your glory hole and if there is a "GOD"; the same god you worship every sunday at church, I hope he seriously gives you the gift of conscience so hard and fast, you remember how much pain you caused your own mother when she forced you out of her own body that you commit the ultimate sin and DIE.
First, you put your tyre-rim selling salesperson son-in-law as the senior manager of the company, your daughter is the QS and your wife is the director, although she doesn't show up 90% of the time. Then your son-in-law makes life so bad that within the 1st 2 months, 2 staff quit because of direct comments he made about firing them.
Then you shift the whole fucking company into an office 1.5 hours away from everyone's house, right smack in bukit merah. Then you buy season parking for all the idiots that have rooms / offices in the company. You promote several people just to make your company look like its heading somewhere. Then you hire an overweight designer who pitches 1 fucking job and wins it and suddenly all previous efforts made by your other designers are crap.
To boost the company profile you hire 2 business development managers: 1 idiotic senior manager with 11 YEARS of experience who wears mustard yellow and chrimson red pants. you hire your NIECE as a marketing personnel. Within 3 weeks of establishing a business unit, you shift your son-in-law and daughter (who are married and have procreated), into the sales and business team. You SACK the senior business development manager and focus on the 1 manager for leads.
Then you beg an ex-staff who your son-in-law caused to resign, to come back and promises him a new senior position, you offer him an assistant. Then your son-in-law does it again! the overweight star designer becomes a target for his office politics. he causes her to QUIT! she throws the letter in.
Within a week, she's promoted to CHIEF designer, she is offered an office which belongs to a manager that has worked there for forever..she "graciously" declines. You PROMOTE your son-in-law to senior business and sales DIRECTOR! You take my year-long idea for pushing to have weekly once-a-week meetings with all designers to catch up on deadlines for the week and get your CHIEF designer to implement it under her name. Couldn't you just laugh? or would you cry?
Suddenly, the lynching begins. Me and senior designer become the blacksheep overnight. We just didn't follow ALL the rules. Basically, we had the same idea. What qualifies you to be in this position of power. Is it old fashioned thinking to say that you earn respect and not demand it because of family ties? Or was it because we just couldn't stand ugly people? I mean we are in the asethetic business in some ways.
That didn't feel so great but my only solace is in the fact that when your boss starts taking it out of the people that slog and put in that much time and effort to finish projects in tight deadlines then it's a sign that things are not going well for the company. It just means that we just need to give it about 2 years to see the havock.
It's quite ironic that I do feel bad about the sack carriers and ball suckers that give it a few more months, try to work for a year and see if you're lucky enough to actually have such a strong standing in the same company that is so quick to shoot dead the infantry that is fighting the war for you.
Of course, at the end of the day, I do tell everyone that I have no hard feelings about all this shit.
There's half an ounce of truth to the statement. I hate them, those memories, but I'm also so glad that they've happened.
But the fear of another new FUCK UP will happen again.
And this time, what is going to happen next?
I wait and see.
Not just me but both me and a senior designer both.
Why? well it's not been fun working for a cheating company that swindles clients in the pretext of an interior design company.
I mean when you buy a bulb, you would expect a bulb made of bulb material rather than a picture of one.
And when you are actually the "managing director" of an interior design company, you would expect to have some form of aesthetic appreciation, or even just basically know how to design stuff?
Mistreating your staff and shouting them and throwing paper at them is also not such a professional thing to do.
Right now I am totally tired out on having to deal with these types of people.
This whole year in general has been a great upheaval of all that I believe in.
Love, family, pets, friends and work.
The famous 5 things that you have to somehow find some kind of balance and each one of them all at once competing for equal placement in your life.
How do you choose which is more important? or do you just give them 2nd runner up placement to the most important thing - your own SELF.
Read more Ayn Rand and her theory of objectivism. If you're not happy doing something (after rationally evalutating the situation) then you're basically not happy.
And I am not happy.
Today was the last day for my senior designer and man am I gonna miss working with someone that I have the balls to face off in design.
It's 2 more weeks to go till I FUCK OFF from that fucking company.
14 days to get something else on track.
Freelance? It's gonna take time to get shit in to earn the cash.
Take a break? Gotta pay rent and shit.
Take up that tattoo course in Thailand? What if I get an immediate job offer and they're paying me really well?
I could drive a taxi? well i could but there's a 1000 dollar deposit for when you actually want to hire the taxi. and i don't want to bump into the idiot ghosts out there.
I could pack my bags and fly off to thailand or cambodia and find a job there? Well I could if i had enough cash saved up.. could still be in my plans over the next 2 years.
Could I still try for Canada? well the list is not out yet for the following year. It's not singapore where we let everyone and anyone in. Let's hope they're looking for architectural technologists/artists to migrate there.
Also, being 33 has never been easy. Years 30 to 32 were basically a blur. Partly due to the fucking excuse for a relationship (I asked for it, the fucking sadistic self). I live for other's dreams. Now the spotlight is on myself and I have to answer tough questions about the big five.
I kinda feel that at this point of time, the next job i hold will be the LAST job I will actually have for the next 2 years.
It's a cycle. all jobs for me have lasted 1.5 years to 3 years.
I don't have a fantastic job track record in the past.
Fucked up my art tutor stint, mostly due to the idiotic head we had at the time who when highlighted to her that she was obviously menstruating in class in front of everyone and stained the chair she was sitting on, got up and said " ah, i'll change it later". And of course it wasn't easy dating a student who, on your first week of school, got so angry with you for taking the MRT with your own BROTHER that she screamed, pulled your hair into the ceramic studio, getting into a physical fight, tried to stab her own hand with a ceramic needle tool and made you smash your new samsung clamshell phone with the Marilyn Manson "sweet dreams" tune that you loved.
Fucked up my other job at the architectural stint. I just didn't care about how much of the land an owner bought could actually be used to build the fucking house, I didn't care anymore that staircase risers and treads were 150 - 175mm max and 250mm min. accordingly. I didn't care that the swimming pool couldn't be built over a soil pipe carrying shit for all the other houses. I didn't care anymore that so and so didn't "approve" of this or that and that owners bought their land at so many millions of dollars and had to pay so many extra millions of fucking dollars to do this or that and fuck all. I just didn't CARE ANYMORE. This is the land of regulated red tape and the heaven of rules.
Fucked up my current job - well this one I can say I didn't fuck it up at all! I was good at it. I fucking loved it. But blaming me for putting out a shoddy 3d model (whipped up in 10 hours with no sleep) to a non-confirmed client and saying you were embarrassed by it is not a valid fact. Telling me I should stick to my architectural works and not do anymore design is FUCKING BULLCRAP. I'll fucking design your goddamned gravestone you hypocritical Christian cock-sucking senile wannabe designer of a boss. Shove it up your glory hole and if there is a "GOD"; the same god you worship every sunday at church, I hope he seriously gives you the gift of conscience so hard and fast, you remember how much pain you caused your own mother when she forced you out of her own body that you commit the ultimate sin and DIE.
First, you put your tyre-rim selling salesperson son-in-law as the senior manager of the company, your daughter is the QS and your wife is the director, although she doesn't show up 90% of the time. Then your son-in-law makes life so bad that within the 1st 2 months, 2 staff quit because of direct comments he made about firing them.
Then you shift the whole fucking company into an office 1.5 hours away from everyone's house, right smack in bukit merah. Then you buy season parking for all the idiots that have rooms / offices in the company. You promote several people just to make your company look like its heading somewhere. Then you hire an overweight designer who pitches 1 fucking job and wins it and suddenly all previous efforts made by your other designers are crap.
To boost the company profile you hire 2 business development managers: 1 idiotic senior manager with 11 YEARS of experience who wears mustard yellow and chrimson red pants. you hire your NIECE as a marketing personnel. Within 3 weeks of establishing a business unit, you shift your son-in-law and daughter (who are married and have procreated), into the sales and business team. You SACK the senior business development manager and focus on the 1 manager for leads.
Then you beg an ex-staff who your son-in-law caused to resign, to come back and promises him a new senior position, you offer him an assistant. Then your son-in-law does it again! the overweight star designer becomes a target for his office politics. he causes her to QUIT! she throws the letter in.
Within a week, she's promoted to CHIEF designer, she is offered an office which belongs to a manager that has worked there for forever..she "graciously" declines. You PROMOTE your son-in-law to senior business and sales DIRECTOR! You take my year-long idea for pushing to have weekly once-a-week meetings with all designers to catch up on deadlines for the week and get your CHIEF designer to implement it under her name. Couldn't you just laugh? or would you cry?
Suddenly, the lynching begins. Me and senior designer become the blacksheep overnight. We just didn't follow ALL the rules. Basically, we had the same idea. What qualifies you to be in this position of power. Is it old fashioned thinking to say that you earn respect and not demand it because of family ties? Or was it because we just couldn't stand ugly people? I mean we are in the asethetic business in some ways.
That didn't feel so great but my only solace is in the fact that when your boss starts taking it out of the people that slog and put in that much time and effort to finish projects in tight deadlines then it's a sign that things are not going well for the company. It just means that we just need to give it about 2 years to see the havock.
It's quite ironic that I do feel bad about the sack carriers and ball suckers that give it a few more months, try to work for a year and see if you're lucky enough to actually have such a strong standing in the same company that is so quick to shoot dead the infantry that is fighting the war for you.
Of course, at the end of the day, I do tell everyone that I have no hard feelings about all this shit.
There's half an ounce of truth to the statement. I hate them, those memories, but I'm also so glad that they've happened.
But the fear of another new FUCK UP will happen again.
And this time, what is going to happen next?
I wait and see.
Recreating "real" beauty
The truth about THAT 15-year-old human Barbie from South London who (with her mother's approval) has become a disturbing internet phenomenon
Internet sensation: 15-year-old Venus Palermo dresses like a living doll and shares her image tips with her online fans, all with the support of her mother Margaret, right
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2136332/Venus-Palermo-The-truth-15-year-old-human-Barbie-South-London.html#ixzz2CJP7YxYq
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2136332/Venus-Palermo-The-truth-15-year-old-human-Barbie-South-London.html#ixzz2CJP7YxYq
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Anastasiya Shpagina
Ukranian Valeria Lukyanova
Both "dolls" together
WHY? seriously why?
Artist Noel Cruz repaints the faces of dolls to look more like the real deal. He’s done character dolls from many series like Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Twilight, and even real-life people like Marilyn Monroe, Angelina Jolie, and Steve Carrell. All of them are truly impressive and worth a look.
Give me a tattooed beautiful girl anyday anytime.
Sexiness.
At the end of the day, you gotta ask yourself when to draw the line or whether you even have a line to cross at all.
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