It's been a hell of a few months which ended in me resigning.
Not just me but both me and a senior designer both.
Why? well it's not been fun working for a cheating company that swindles clients in the pretext of an interior design company.
I mean when you buy a bulb, you would expect a bulb made of bulb material rather than a picture of one.
And when you are actually the "managing director" of an interior design company, you would expect to have some form of aesthetic appreciation, or even just basically know how to design stuff?
Mistreating your staff and shouting them and throwing paper at them is also not such a professional thing to do.
Right now I am totally tired out on having to deal with these types of people.
This whole year in general has been a great upheaval of all that I believe in.
Love, family, pets, friends and work.
The famous 5 things that you have to somehow find some kind of balance and each one of them all at once competing for equal placement in your life.
How do you choose which is more important? or do you just give them 2nd runner up placement to the most important thing - your own SELF.
Read more Ayn Rand and her theory of objectivism. If you're not happy doing something (after rationally evalutating the situation) then you're basically not happy.
And I am not happy.
Today was the last day for my senior designer and man am I gonna miss working with someone that I have the balls to face off in design.
It's 2 more weeks to go till I FUCK OFF from that fucking company.
14 days to get something else on track.
Freelance? It's gonna take time to get shit in to earn the cash.
Take a break? Gotta pay rent and shit.
Take up that tattoo course in Thailand? What if I get an immediate job offer and they're paying me really well?
I could drive a taxi? well i could but there's a 1000 dollar deposit for when you actually want to hire the taxi. and i don't want to bump into the idiot ghosts out there.
I could pack my bags and fly off to thailand or cambodia and find a job there? Well I could if i had enough cash saved up.. could still be in my plans over the next 2 years.
Could I still try for Canada? well the list is not out yet for the following year. It's not singapore where we let everyone and anyone in. Let's hope they're looking for architectural technologists/artists to migrate there.
Also, being 33 has never been easy. Years 30 to 32 were basically a blur. Partly due to the fucking excuse for a relationship (I asked for it, the fucking sadistic self). I live for other's dreams. Now the spotlight is on myself and I have to answer tough questions about the big five.
I kinda feel that at this point of time, the next job i hold will be the LAST job I will actually have for the next 2 years.
It's a cycle. all jobs for me have lasted 1.5 years to 3 years.
I don't have a fantastic job track record in the past.
Fucked up my art tutor stint, mostly due to the idiotic head we had at the time who when highlighted to her that she was obviously menstruating in class in front of everyone and stained the chair she was sitting on, got up and said " ah, i'll change it later". And of course it wasn't easy dating a student who, on your first week of school, got so angry with you for taking the MRT with your own BROTHER that she screamed, pulled your hair into the ceramic studio, getting into a physical fight, tried to stab her own hand with a ceramic needle tool and made you smash your new samsung clamshell phone with the Marilyn Manson "sweet dreams" tune that you loved.
Fucked up my other job at the architectural stint. I just didn't care about how much of the land an owner bought could actually be used to build the fucking house, I didn't care anymore that staircase risers and treads were 150 - 175mm max and 250mm min. accordingly. I didn't care that the swimming pool couldn't be built over a soil pipe carrying shit for all the other houses. I didn't care anymore that so and so didn't "approve" of this or that and that owners bought their land at so many millions of dollars and had to pay so many extra millions of fucking dollars to do this or that and fuck all. I just didn't CARE ANYMORE. This is the land of regulated red tape and the heaven of rules.
Fucked up my current job - well this one I can say I didn't fuck it up at all! I was good at it. I fucking loved it. But blaming me for putting out a shoddy 3d model (whipped up in 10 hours with no sleep) to a non-confirmed client and saying you were embarrassed by it is not a valid fact. Telling me I should stick to my architectural works and not do anymore design is FUCKING BULLCRAP. I'll fucking design your goddamned gravestone you hypocritical Christian cock-sucking senile wannabe designer of a boss. Shove it up your glory hole and if there is a "GOD"; the same god you worship every sunday at church, I hope he seriously gives you the gift of conscience so hard and fast, you remember how much pain you caused your own mother when she forced you out of her own body that you commit the ultimate sin and DIE.
First, you put your tyre-rim selling salesperson son-in-law as the senior manager of the company, your daughter is the QS and your wife is the director, although she doesn't show up 90% of the time. Then your son-in-law makes life so bad that within the 1st 2 months, 2 staff quit because of direct comments he made about firing them.
Then you shift the whole fucking company into an office 1.5 hours away from everyone's house, right smack in bukit merah. Then you buy season parking for all the idiots that have rooms / offices in the company. You promote several people just to make your company look like its heading somewhere. Then you hire an overweight designer who pitches 1 fucking job and wins it and suddenly all previous efforts made by your other designers are crap.
To boost the company profile you hire 2 business development managers: 1 idiotic senior manager with 11 YEARS of experience who wears mustard yellow and chrimson red pants. you hire your NIECE as a marketing personnel. Within 3 weeks of establishing a business unit, you shift your son-in-law and daughter (who are married and have procreated), into the sales and business team. You SACK the senior business development manager and focus on the 1 manager for leads.
Then you beg an ex-staff who your son-in-law caused to resign, to come back and promises him a new senior position, you offer him an assistant. Then your son-in-law does it again! the overweight star designer becomes a target for his office politics. he causes her to QUIT! she throws the letter in.
Within a week, she's promoted to CHIEF designer, she is offered an office which belongs to a manager that has worked there for forever..she "graciously" declines. You PROMOTE your son-in-law to senior business and sales DIRECTOR! You take my year-long idea for pushing to have weekly once-a-week meetings with all designers to catch up on deadlines for the week and get your CHIEF designer to implement it under her name. Couldn't you just laugh? or would you cry?
Suddenly, the lynching begins. Me and senior designer become the blacksheep overnight. We just didn't follow ALL the rules. Basically, we had the same idea. What qualifies you to be in this position of power. Is it old fashioned thinking to say that you earn respect and not demand it because of family ties? Or was it because we just couldn't stand ugly people? I mean we are in the asethetic business in some ways.
That didn't feel so great but my only solace is in the fact that when your boss starts taking it out of the people that slog and put in that much time and effort to finish projects in tight deadlines then it's a sign that things are not going well for the company. It just means that we just need to give it about 2 years to see the havock.
It's quite ironic that I do feel bad about the sack carriers and ball suckers that give it a few more months, try to work for a year and see if you're lucky enough to actually have such a strong standing in the same company that is so quick to shoot dead the infantry that is fighting the war for you.
Of course, at the end of the day, I do tell everyone that I have no hard feelings about all this shit.
There's half an ounce of truth to the statement. I hate them, those memories, but I'm also so glad that they've happened.
But the fear of another new FUCK UP will happen again.
And this time, what is going to happen next?
I wait and see.
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